I remember feeling the cool leather against my legs. It was the end of November. Most of the leaves had already fallen from the trees. The air had that crisp feel to it, that feeling that makes you feel refreshed. And I was refreshed. I had finally spoken up for myself because I knew what it means to matter.
My parents and I had a conversation at Thanksgiving that was a major turning point. I finally told them that it had to change. I made it so easy on the family for so many years and I was always what they wanted me to be. Smiled when I was supposed to. I stayed under the fray. I never stood up for myself. But how could I when I didn’t even realize that I mattered too?
That realization changed everything. It became very clear to me that a conversation with my family must happen and that with it, everything could change. When that discussion took place, not only did my parents show me they understood, I began treating myself differently. I began treating others differently. The world became gentler. It was soft. I felt more peace and slowly came out of a depression I had been battling for years. Before this point, I didn’t know what it felt like to feel normal. I had been a world traveler, a success at work and had lots of friends. But everything was dull until that pivotal moment in my life. I didn’t know joy.
It was hard to have that conversation, don’t get me wrong. It’s not as easy as it sounds. But there was no way I could keep going with the way things were. And when I stopped making it easy, I created the opportunity for everyone around me to change. It took time. But life changed, they changed, I changed.
So there I was, sitting on my cream, leather couch soaking in the fresh air filtering in through the windows. I hit that purchase button on my keyboard. We had the conversation, but I knew I had to show there was real change. I knew if I was different, then things were going to be different. It helped that my parents listened; but I knew it was ultimately up to me to change my life. Thailand, Merry Christmas. Mom and Dad, see you at the next holiday.
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