Pregnancy. I barely feel human. I can’t tell red from yellow. I’m up and then I’m down. The fun outgoing girl I used to be has disappeared altogether and I am feeling pregnancy effects on relationships in my life. I am 8 weeks pregnant today.
My husband doesn’t seem to understand my emotions. It is a roller coaster; I admit it. I never even know what one hour will be like compared to the next. He doesn’t understand what this is like and there is really no way to explain it other than saying it might be the opposite of freedom. I have turned into a slave to my body’s needs. Exhaustion with no physical appearance of a growing baby. Moodiness without the cycles monthly rhythm alerting me of its onset. Bouts of tears. Plus all of the fears of the unknown. Will I be a good mother? Is my child healthy in there? What if the excitement surrounding the new baby lay wasted due to an unforeseen miscarriage? What if, what if, what if?
It’s difficult and sometimes, I feel like I’m going through this alone. I never realized there would actually be pregnancy effects on a relationship. But it is my body. It is me who bears physical and emotional change. My husband and I share the financial stress; but he can’t seem to get what this is like for a woman. I understand that he is stressed out too. I’m sure he is battling his own insecurities. But I need him to support me, to help me through this.
The more we argue, the bigger the trench gets between us. I feel distant. Honestly, I don’t feel attracted to him – and maybe that is the hormones. I am sure he feels the same. I used to be fun and energetic. Now I feel like I can barely move without becoming nauseated. Will we get through this together? I’m nervous. This fighting now, the way we react to stress together, it will only continue this way unless something changes. But I don’t know what or how.
I remember in my early twenties when love, marriage and family seemed like the most romantic of ideals. And that was just what it was in my head – a romantic ideal. But now, this is real life. Real life isn’t always fun. Real life sucks at times. This relationship, this is real. We have got to get this figured out. We can’t keep fighting like this every time there is stress in the air.
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