Day 1: Nervous. I feel very, very nervous. Was this the right decision? Here I am in a new city after 10 years of being in another that I had come to call home. That home was comfortable. It was safe. But it had also become stagnant and clear to me that it was time to ship out. Several friends had already moved on before me. I had outgrown my old job. And just to show me that it truly was over, the guy I had been seeing for the last 8 months moved to another city within 5 days of my departure. If I had stayed, I probably would have been miserable. It seems like that chapter of my life had come to a close.
Day 7: Regret. Big time. I didn’t really choose this. Yes – I was ready to move; but moving cross country? I wanted to move to New York but instead the universe offered California to me. Was it just a carrot being dangled in front of me? Should I have said ‘no’ and held out for New York? Don’t get me wrong; the job promotion that got me here, challenges me positively and was obviously a good move for my career. And I know people here. I’m not totally isolated. But it’s just not what I wanted or asked for. Hey Universe – I wanted New York! And instead you got me moving cross country. I know in the end, I chose this. But is this really what I signed up for? No place to live, an ended relationship. Was it worth it?
Day 15: Hopeless. I’ve hit hopeless and it scares me to death. I NEVER thought I would end up here again and I absolutely regret moving cross country. I feel miserable. Every day is becoming more and more difficult. I get lost all of the time. Traffic is horrendous. This job promotion has many issues that need sorted out. And even though I have people here… I’m lonely. I miss my ex.
Day 24: I’m not sure where I’m at but I know I’m moving away from hopeless. God, that is a miserable place to be in. Every day is slow and stagnant. I can’t and I will not stay there. It’s not easy moving away from it. I noticed my thoughts were of impossibilities and dread. All I heard myself saying was “I’ll never find a place. Everything is too expensive.” Or “I can’t do this. It’s too difficult.” By changing that inner dialogue, I’m seeing a notable difference and making decisions that support solutions.
Day 33: Excited. I still feel uncertainty about at times; but discovering what neighborhood I end up in and who I will meet excites me. The possibility that my job promotion gave to me excites me. What changes can I implement? I feel a better sense of control since I moved out of victim and regret. Now I am controlling my thoughts and perspectives.