Life Coaching Articles

Peace in 3 Steps This Holiday Season

peace in 3 steps

Family relationships can be tough. With the holiday season upon us, we often long for the picturesque family gathering where everyone gets along, feels included and creates lasting memories. So it can be rather difficult when this just isn’t our reality. We may want healed and renewed family relationships, but that doesn’t mean it is a shared goal amongst everyone involved. As a result, we may feel emotional pain, robbing us of our peace and joy.

However, we are not powerless. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 We are not victims. We can create joy and peace in 3 steps right now, even in the midst of derision within our own families.

ACCEPTANCE

The first step is acceptance. Accept the situation as it is. We cannot change others and we definitely cannot make them love, like or value us. They may never even try. The sooner we accept the way things are, the faster we will find peace and perhaps be able to enjoy our family holidays.

EXPECTATIONS

Don’t expect anything good or bad from your less than satisfactory family relationships. Inaccurately expecting good results creates pain when we discover we are wrong. And expecting poor family interactions sets us up to be defensive from the get go. Both situations steal our peace and rob us of our joy.  

SELF-WORTH

When we feel that members of our family don’t love, like or value us, we may begin to believe their opinion. Let me tell you – their opinion doesn’t matter. The only opinion that matters is GOD’S. And God created you as whole and complete. Who you are, every minute detail God created, is beautiful, capable, loving, creative, unique, kind, valuable, likeable, generous, needed and a gift. Your self-worth lies in God’s perspective, only. He is perfect and His creation – you, me and everyone – is perfect. No one is excluded.

Let this holiday season be different than those of the past. With these 3 steps, you can create contentment which leads to peace and joy. Let your light shine and allow God’s love to flow through you so that you may bring a little joy to everyone you pass over the next several weeks. You and God’s mission for your life are too important to let family dynamics keep you from anything less. 

Want to quit?

Here are 3 Steps to Persevere and Keep Going

want to quit
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Often times in life or during the achievement of our goals, we hit a lull and want to quit. No matter what we do, we can’t seem to make traction. It could be that we aren’t seeing the results we wanted or worse, we are actually moving BACKWARDS. As a result, we may pick up bad habits that move us closer and closer to quitting and throw our dreams away.

But, as the great Joseph P Kennedy once said, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” So what do you want to do? Get tough and get going? Or do you want to quit? If you would like to follow JFK’s lead, here are 3 tips to stay the course and keep moving forward even when it gets tough.

Get Rid of the Noise.

Our brains can have a lot of disruptive thoughts that inevitably make us want to quit and go down another road. These disruptive thoughts stem from inaccurate perception of our current reality. We get a result, or lack thereof, and we create a perception of this result. That perception then filters to our feelings which then creates action or inaction towards or away from our goals.

So when we hit a static point in our goals or business, we may create inaccurate perceptions such as “This isn’t working”, “Something isn’t right”, “Why am I wasting my time?”, “Maybe I should be doing something else?”, “It’s just not going to happen for me”, “I guess this was a silly dream, after all”, “I just want to quit”. Should we believe these perceptions, we will inevitably stop following our dream.

When we hear these thoughts enter our minds, it’s time to ask ourselves “Is this really true?” And secondly, “what are new perception that will empower and encourage me?” Some could be “What is God teaching me right now?”, “How can I do things differently?” or “Do I really want to quit?” If you’re having trouble coming up with new perceptions, a good friend or coach are helpful assets.

Stop Comparing Yourself.

And I’m going to say it again – STOP IT! Comparing our results to others or comparing our results to our expectations of what we think the results should be will create a discouraging downward cycle and will make us want to quit. When we do side by side comparisons, we see a clear view of where we aren’t and where we want to be. This can move us into self-loathing, self-pity, discouragement and a slew of other weighty feelings that cloud our clarity and halt our traction. So when you feel the comparison bug bite, remind yourself that you are on your own journey, no someone else’s, and give yourself grace and compassion to move through this period.

Stay Close to God.

Talk with God and allow Him to guide you. When we hit a wall or take steps back, it’s time to discern whether this is a lesson God is teaching us or if He truly is guiding us down another path. Focusing on His guidance allows us to ignore our perceptions of our current reality and instead refocus on what God is calling us towards. Does it matter if it appears we are failing when God is guiding us? Nope. Because following God’s call leads us to achievement of our God-given goals, even when it appears as failure.

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How To Stay On God’s Path for Your Life

how to stay on god's path for your life
Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash

Comparison. I said it. That horrible word! Comparison is our own worst enemy and for a couple reasons. For starters, it can make us absolutely miserable as we try to measure up to the person (or idea of a person) that we are comparing ourselves to. And secondly, it diverts our focus from our true goals, from becoming the person God created us to be. So let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was this wonderful human that God created. He created her to be confident and developed her to be patient and wait on His timing. He made her so that she wanted for nothing (material), was grateful for everything she was given and was focused on following her calling, essentially to become the best version of herself. Because she was happy and content, she was vibrant and nothing stopped her.

But then it all changed. Life happened. She started to notice that others were moving past her in their careers. Friends accumulated more wealth and had the financial security she wanted. Those around her spent more time and money on things like personal care, clothing and cars. Many in her circle were freshly married and beginning their families. She started to feel less than. She was lagging behind her peers. And soon her goals moved away from becoming the best version of herself in God’s eyes and closer to the best version of herself in her eyes of comparison.

So she started to lose herself and what truly mattered. She no longer had meaningful relationships. The meaning in her interactions with friends, family and strangers was lost. She was too busy making sure she was good enough to the comparison she built in her mind. This then affected her confidence, caused her to swim towards the sea of depression and eventually throw away her God-given goals altogether. She thought that if only she could be what she decided was good enough, then she would be happy. But that’s not the answer.

We lose ourselves when we have our eyes focused on the things of this world. And we find ourselves again when we focus on God above. Take time to answer these questions.

What does He want for you?

Who does He want you to be – for yourself and for others?

What does He want you focusing on day in and day out?

Let’s just boil it down. What would bring you the most JOY?

Only you can answer these questions for yourself. But if you find the comparison bug biting hard, try changing your focus. Look less at where you are compared to others and focus more on following God’s call for your life.

The #1 Secret Killer of Confidence

There are many things we can do to hurt our confidence – negative self-talk, surrounding ourselves with those who put us down or quite simply, living with the fear of what others think about us. But there is only one secret killer of confidence. And it’s something many of us aren’t even aware of and we do it without realizing the consequences. So what is it? That deadly vapor seeping into our confidence and our lives? That killer of confidence is when we lose integrity with the commitments we make with ourselves i.e. we do what we tell ourselves we will do.

So what happens when someone else makes a commitment to us and doesn’t follow through? We learn to no longer rely on them and we no longer trust them. Our confidence in them dwindles. And it’s the same for us. When we don’t follow our word or do what we promised to ourselves, we lose our confidence in ourselves. We then start the negative self-talk (even on a subconscious level) “I’m a failure.” “I can’t do this.” “Why am I the only one that can’t get it together?” And those words and mindset start an entirely new problem that negatively impacts our outlook in every facet of our lives.

There may be several reasons why we lose integrity with ourselves or why we can’t follow through with our goals. But, the main reason may be our expectations of exactly what we can achieve in the current season in our lives. When we set goals, we can make them SMART to have the best outcome possible. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive. In this case, we are focusing on Realistic. But here is where we can get into trouble. Alone, each goal in and of itself may be realistic and easy to achieve. However, with all of our goals combined, we can set too much on our plates and thereby, set ourselves up for failure and the death of our confidence.

Goal setting is an art. So learn to take each goal and make it SMART and then assess all of the goals together. Is it Realistic to work towards all of your goals simultaneously? When pulled together, do they appear overwhelming? Review them each week. Where did you do well? Where could you have done better? And perhaps – where are they unrealistic? Revise. Reset. Start again.

It’s Time to Live Free

We aren’t truly free until we relinquish it all over to God. I invite you, today, to give it up. Give up the hurt, the resentment, the pain, the veil that covers you creating a fraction of the life you could be experiencing. No one ever said it would be easy, but if you allow it – God will take it from you so you can live free.

Click the links concurrently for a guided meditation so you may have the opportunity to let go and start living today.

 

How to Survive the Family Holidays | Tis the Season

Family Holidays | Coaching Tips | Molly RomanIt’s that time of year that brings the best out of family members – Holiday Season. Many of us find this time of year particularly stressful. We are forced to be around those that we choose not to be year round. And perhaps that’s the real problem. We avoid talking with one another all year which means we forgo the opportunity for meaningful experiences with one another and thus the chance at reconciliation. The family holidays become miserable.

Instead, we wait. We wait for that turkey to show his face once more and maybe we even hope for the best. But everything is just as it was last year. There may have been time between the prior holiday, but there wasn’t quantity of interactions, new experiences and conversation to change the outcome.

When searching for a fitting photo, I found it interesting that ‘turkeys fighting’ also appear as turkeys embracing one another. Isn’t that often how it feels? “I love you, but I am SO MAD at you right now!!” We DO love our families, but when we maintain a cool relationship throughout the year, the same feelings we had last Thanksgiving creep up again this year.

So without much further ado, here are a few tips to mentally prepare you for the holidays.

1. Prior to seeing family, focus on which aspects about them you are grateful for! Yes! The point of the holiday – gratitude! What good memories do you have with them? What makes this person great (even if it isn’t currently shown to you)?

2. Remember that it isn’t about you. Don’t take it personally. The way someone treats us is always about them. We are all responsible for our choices and how we respond and react to others. How someone responds to us is about them. Further reading: The Four Agreements. This book will change your life.

3. If the environment is particularly toxic, determine upfront how long you will attend the gathering. 2 hours? 3? Stay for dinner and bounce? Come up with a plan up front so you are in control of you, so you aren’t subject to another’s timeline.

4. If celebrating with beer, wine or liquor, this isn’t the time to have that conversation where you tell someone how they’ve hurt you, why they annoy you, what they could do differently. Wait until after the holidays.

5. When someone says or does something that stings you, keep smiling, politely leave the conversation and talk to someone that values you. Which leads me to #6.

6. Focus on those that treat you with respect rather than trying to prove your value to those who don’t see it. Create great experiences with those that love you!

Finally, if you are in an environment where everyone treats you poorly, sit this one out. Have a Friendsgiving. There is nothing more powerful than treating yourself the way you deserve to show others what respecting you means. Actions speak louder than words. Do it politely, of course. And if you need some inspiration, Elisa, from the Verge of Greatness Project, shared her story (and results) with us here.

 

Interested in joining a growing community passionate about transformation? Join The Joy Love Club on Facebook! Or sign up here for your chance to win FREE COACHING + our guide to help you discover and live in your purpose!

How to Love Your Body | Your Own Self-Guided Exercise

How to Love Your Body | Life Coaching Exercise | Molly Roman

Did you know that how you feel can impact whether or not you achieve your goals? Feelings create our actions. And how we feel in our own skin is one way we either move towards or away from what we want. If we feel confident, then our actions are rooted in those feelings. If we feel insecure, then our actions mirror that self-doubt. So it’s important to learn how to love your body. Continue reading

Purpose and Power: What Are You Creating?

Your Purpose | Life Coaching Tips | Molly RomanThroughout each day, we receive several opportunities to live our purpose. Every decision we make is a choice to live that purpose or not. We can choose to live a life of creating outcomes or one of escaping circumstances. Each generates a result, but only one paves the way for our purpose and the meaningful results our purpose creates in our lives and in the lives of those we touch. This choice, to create or escape, is our power. It’s the sword we wield to command outstanding and rewarding results.

Whether we realize it or not, Continue reading

Peace, Faith and Waiting: What to Do When We Hate the Wait

peace, faith and waiting | life coaching tips | Molly Roman

Living in faith is a four-step process:

1.  Ask God what to do.
2.  Listen for the answer.
3.  Act in faith on His guidance.
4.  Repeat until the goal is achieved.

Today, we are focusing on Step 3: Act in faith on His guidance and specifically, how to find peace when God asks us to wait…. and then… …. wait a little more and then ……….. wait until what feels like an eternity has passed us by (woof).

It is a fact: Continue reading

2 Steps to Resist Restlessness and Reclaim Your Joy

Joy | Life Coaching Advice | Molly RomanOften times on our path, we hit a moment (or several) of wanting to be further ahead. We want to be over the mountain and through the woods because we feel we are ready to be there, flying high in our accomplishments. The reality, and much to our dismay, is that we aren’t there and maybe not even near our joy. God hasn’t placed us at the finish line just yet. Our time has not come and so we sit waiting and squirming like a toddler in church until the last hymn is sung.

What happens when we want to skip ahead of God’s plan? We begin to Continue reading