Comparison. I said it. That horrible word! Comparison is our own worst enemy and for a couple reasons. For starters, it can make us absolutely miserable as we try to measure up to the person (or idea of a person) that we are comparing ourselves to. And secondly, it diverts our focus from our true goals, from becoming the person God created us to be. So let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was this wonderful human that God created. He created her to be confident and developed her to be patient and wait on His timing. He made her so that she wanted for nothing (material), was grateful for everything she was given and was focused on following her calling, essentially to become the best version of herself. Because she was happy and content, she was vibrant and nothing stopped her.
But then it all changed. Life happened. She started to notice that others were moving past her in their careers. Friends accumulated more wealth and had the financial security she wanted. Those around her spent more time and money on things like personal care, clothing and cars. Many in her circle were freshly married and beginning their families. She started to feel less than. She was lagging behind her peers. And soon her goals moved away from becoming the best version of herself in God’s eyes and closer to the best version of herself in her eyes of comparison.
So she started to lose herself and what truly mattered. She no longer had meaningful relationships. The meaning in her interactions with friends, family and strangers was lost. She was too busy making sure she was good enough to the comparison she built in her mind. This then affected her confidence, caused her to swim towards the sea of depression and eventually throw away her God-given goals altogether. She thought that if only she could be what she decided was good enough, then she would be happy. But that’s not the answer.
We lose ourselves when we have our eyes focused on the things of this world. And we find ourselves again when we focus on God above. Take time to answer these questions.
What does He want for you?
Who does He want you to be – for yourself and for others?
What does He want you focusing on day in and day out?
Let’s just boil it down. What would bring you the most JOY?
Only you can answer these questions
for yourself. But if you find the comparison bug biting hard, try changing your
focus. Look less at where you are compared to others and focus more on
following God’s call for your life.
There are many things we can do to hurt our confidence – negative self-talk, surrounding ourselves with those who put us down or quite simply, living with the fear of what others think about us. But there is only one secret killer of confidence. And it’s something many of us aren’t even aware of and we do it without realizing the consequences. So what is it? That deadly vapor seeping into our confidence and our lives? That killer of confidence is when we lose integrity with the commitments we make with ourselves i.e. we do what we tell ourselves we will do.
So what happens when someone else makes a commitment to us and doesn’t follow through? We learn to no longer rely on them and we no longer trust them. Our confidence in them dwindles. And it’s the same for us. When we don’t follow our word or do what we promised to ourselves, we lose our confidence in ourselves. We then start the negative self-talk (even on a subconscious level) “I’m a failure.” “I can’t do this.” “Why am I the only one that can’t get it together?” And those words and mindset start an entirely new problem that negatively impacts our outlook in every facet of our lives.
There may be several reasons why we lose integrity with ourselves or why we can’t follow through with our goals. But, the main reason may be our expectations of exactly what we can achieve in the current season in our lives. When we set goals, we can make them SMART to have the best outcome possible. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive. In this case, we are focusing on Realistic. But here is where we can get into trouble. Alone, each goal in and of itself may be realistic and easy to achieve. However, with all of our goals combined, we can set too much on our plates and thereby, set ourselves up for failure and the death of our confidence.
Goal setting is an art. So learn to take each goal and make it SMART and then assess all of the goals together. Is it Realistic to work towards all of your goals simultaneously? When pulled together, do they appear overwhelming? Review them each week. Where did you do well? Where could you have done better? And perhaps – where are they unrealistic? Revise. Reset. Start again.
We aren’t truly free until we relinquish it all over to God. I invite you, today, to give it up. Give up the hurt, the resentment, the pain, the veil that covers you creating a fraction of the life you could be experiencing. No one ever said it would be easy, but if you allow it – God will take it from you so you can live free.
Click the links concurrently for a guided meditation so you may have the opportunity to let go and start living today.
It’s that time of year that brings the best out of family members – Holiday Season. Many of us find this time of year particularly stressful. We are forced to be around those that we choose not to be year round. And perhaps that’s the real problem. We avoid talking with one another all year which means we forgo the opportunity for meaningful experiences with one another and thus the chance at reconciliation. The family holidays become miserable.
Instead, we wait. We wait for that turkey to show his face once more and maybe we even hope for the best. But everything is just as it was last year. There may have been time between the prior holiday, but there wasn’t quantity of interactions, new experiences and conversation to change the outcome.
When searching for a fitting photo, I found it interesting that ‘turkeys fighting’ also appear as turkeys embracing one another. Isn’t that often how it feels? “I love you, but I am SO MAD at you right now!!” We DO love our families, but when we maintain a cool relationship throughout the year, the same feelings we had last Thanksgiving creep up again this year.
So without much further ado, here are a few tips to mentally prepare you for the holidays.
1. Prior to seeing family, focus on which aspects about them you are grateful for! Yes! The point of the holiday – gratitude! What good memories do you have with them? What makes this person great (even if it isn’t currently shown to you)?
2. Remember that it isn’t about you. Don’t take it personally. The way someone treats us is always about them. We are all responsible for our choices and how we respond and react to others. How someone responds to us is about them. Further reading: The Four Agreements. This book will change your life.
3. If the environment is particularly toxic, determine upfront how long you will attend the gathering. 2 hours? 3? Stay for dinner and bounce? Come up with a plan up front so you are in control of you, so you aren’t subject to another’s timeline.
4. If celebrating with beer, wine or liquor, this isn’t the time to have that conversation where you tell someone how they’ve hurt you, why they annoy you, what they could do differently. Wait until after the holidays.
5. When someone says or does something that stings you, keep smiling, politely leave the conversation and talk to someone that values you. Which leads me to #6.
6. Focus on those that treat you with respect rather than trying to prove your value to those who don’t see it. Create great experiences with those that love you!
Finally, if you are in an environment where everyone treats you poorly, sit this one out. Have a Friendsgiving. There is nothing more powerful than treating yourself the way you deserve to show others what respecting you means. Actions speak louder than words. Do it politely, of course. And if you need some inspiration, Elisa, from the Verge of Greatness Project, shared her story (and results) with us here.
Interested in joining a growing community passionate about transformation? Join The Joy Love Club on Facebook! Or sign up here for your chance to win FREE COACHING + our guide to help you discover and live in your purpose!
Did you know that how you feel can impact whether or not you achieve your goals? Feelings create our actions. And how we feel in our own skin is one way we either move towards or away from what we want. If we feel confident, then our actions are rooted in those feelings. If we feel insecure, then our actions mirror that self-doubt. So it’s important to learn how to love your body. Continue reading →
Throughout each day, we receive several opportunities to live our purpose. Every decision we make is a choice to live that purpose or not. We can choose to live a life of creating outcomes or one of escaping circumstances. Each generates a result, but only one paves the way for our purpose and the meaningful results our purpose creates in our lives and in the lives of those we touch. This choice, to create or escape, is our power. It’s the sword we wield to command outstanding and rewarding results.
1. Ask God what to do.
2. Listen for the answer.
3. Act in faith on His guidance.
4. Repeat until the goal is achieved.
Today, we are focusing on Step 3: Act in faith on His guidance and specifically, how to find peace when God asks us to wait…. and then… …. wait a little more and then ……….. wait until what feels like an eternity has passed us by (woof).
Often times on our path, we hit a moment (or several) of wanting to be further ahead. We want to be over the mountain and through the woods because we feel we are ready to be there, flying high in our accomplishments. The reality, and much to our dismay, is that we aren’t there and maybe not even near our joy. God hasn’t placed us at the finish line just yet. Our time has not come and so we sit waiting and squirming like a toddler in church until the last hymn is sung.
We are raised to know that if we do x, then y and z will occur. If we study hard, we will get good grades. If we work diligently, we will improve our skills. And if we do our chores, we will receive a reward. But when we transition into adulthood, it’s not so simple anymore. If we go on a dates, we may not find our true love. If we work our butts off, we may not get the promotion we want. And if we take a leap of faith, we may not know what will happen.
It can be exhilarating and daunting all at the same time. The future is so ambiguous. Most of us aren’t equipped to respond to that uncertainty and will instead spend it in anxiety and stress. So we don’t have peace. And what happens when we live in the stress and anxiety? We are more likely to move away from our goals and perhaps, choose the worst-case scenario — quit building towards our dreams altogether.
I’m here to tell you that if you feel anxiety, stress, discouragement and frustration or have abandoned your dreams, you don’t have to feel that way and you can hold those dreams close to you and create peace in your journey. You can take power over your path once again and live peacefully as you travel towards the light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this by understanding one simple truth:
If it’s in your heart, it is meant for you. It will ultimately happen.
God places our purposes in our hearts; sometimes, he gives us one grand view and at other times, he dangles the carrot so we move an inch closer to the dream he has given to us. It’s our compass and it’s how we know where to go. The result? Feeling total meaning and joy. Not a bad deal, right? God gives us a purpose. We know that the contents of our heart is our beacon. And if we can stay the course, we will be so fulfilled (Pretty rad stuff if you ask me).
What’s in your heart? What is it that you want for your life? What is it that you want for today? That is your path. Inch by inch, mile by mile. Follow it. Live it. And create peace in your path.
Interested in joining a growing community passionate about transformation? Join The Joy Love Club on Facebook! Or sign up here for your chance to win FREE COACHING (plus, our guide to help you discover and live in your purpose)!
Did you read Elisa’s story from our last post? What a major life lesson she shared with us! She did and had everything you can think of that could make a human being happy, yet she wasn’t. She had a great job, she and her team performed like all-stars, she purchased a new home, had a fantastic local support system and she traveled the globe and volunteered in something she is so passionate about. Looking at Elisa’s life from a high-level view – we can all say “Wow. She’s made it. She must feel overwhelming joy and happiness.”
But what Elisa shares with us is that even though she had her biggest year ever and accomplished several of her goals, she didn’t feel happy. More importantly, she shares with us that the lack of Continue reading →