There are many things we can do to hurt our confidence – negative self-talk, surrounding ourselves with those who put us down or quite simply, living with the fear of what others think about us. But there is only one secret killer of confidence. And it’s something many of us aren’t even aware of and we do it without realizing the consequences. So what is it? That deadly vapor seeping into our confidence and our lives? That killer of confidence is when we lose integrity with the commitments we make with ourselves i.e. we do what we tell ourselves we will do.
So what happens when someone else makes a commitment to us and doesn’t follow through? We learn to no longer rely on them and we no longer trust them. Our confidence in them dwindles. And it’s the same for us. When we don’t follow our word or do what we promised to ourselves, we lose our confidence in ourselves. We then start the negative self-talk (even on a subconscious level) “I’m a failure.” “I can’t do this.” “Why am I the only one that can’t get it together?” And those words and mindset start an entirely new problem that negatively impacts our outlook in every facet of our lives.
There may be several reasons why we lose integrity with ourselves or why we can’t follow through with our goals. But, the main reason may be our expectations of exactly what we can achieve in the current season in our lives. When we set goals, we can make them SMART to have the best outcome possible. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive. In this case, we are focusing on Realistic. But here is where we can get into trouble. Alone, each goal in and of itself may be realistic and easy to achieve. However, with all of our goals combined, we can set too much on our plates and thereby, set ourselves up for failure and the death of our confidence.
Goal setting is an art. So learn to take each goal and make it SMART and then assess all of the goals together. Is it Realistic to work towards all of your goals simultaneously? When pulled together, do they appear overwhelming? Review them each week. Where did you do well? Where could you have done better? And perhaps – where are they unrealistic? Revise. Reset. Start again.