I choose happiness. That’s what I do. I choose it. I’ve always known it’s a choice and so that is what I live by. But this last year – no. Didn’t happen. It was one of the biggest years of my life and I wasn’t happy and in fact, I couldn’t choose to be happy no matter what I told myself.
I moved to a new city for a promotion when I became Manager. I served a team of 5 and we absolutely killed it. Each year our company awards 3 people in the entire organization ‘all-star’ of the year; all 3 winners were from my team. And everyone on the team surpassed their sales quotas and made a ton of money.
It’s easy to say ‘Oh it was a money driven year; that’s why she couldn’t be happy’. But not true. I also bought a house that I love. I love the projects, I love the neighbors and I love the space and just being there. It’s amazing that I can just drive down the block and chit chat with everyone. My family lives close, but far enough that I have my ‘me’ space. There are people around that love me and I love them. We all pour into each other. But still – that didn’t make me happy and even with that support system, I couldn’t choose it.
So now maybe you are thinking I don’t do anything fun. But not true. I traveled and went on amazing trips with the people I love most. Literally, I went around the globe. I did things I’ve never done. I made memories with friends and family. And still, even with those adventures – I couldn’t choose to be happy.
You think I need to give back, right? That’s what you are saying now. But I did give back! I spent a lot of time volunteering for organizations I am passionate about. And because of that, I got to watch people transform and create meaningful results in their lives. It’s completely fulfilling and rewarding for me but more importantly for them too.
So let’s recap for a moment. I started a new job and turned a team into a high functioning killer group. I purchased a home that I renovated and made into the perfect space for me and I love it there. My support system is amazing, I have fun experiences under my belt and I involved myself in rewarding volunteer opportunities. Did I do all of these things to be happy? No. I did them because this is who I am. I love that my team succeeded and was recognized by senior management for their hard work. My house – I love love LOVE it and I love that I chose my neighborhood and it’s proximity to my family. I also love travel and discovering different areas of this planet. And I love the organization I volunteer with and the people I am able to help.
But what I did not love was the feeling of instability. Everything this past year was about creating a foundation. My team is now developed. My home renovations are mostly complete; I love my space and I feel really comfortable in my neighborhood. I traveled a lot for work and for fun, but that didn’t help with stability. There was no pattern. And with volunteering, this year was again about setting up the foundation. Everything was a work in progress. I think we can do everything that fills us up and still be unhappy when we live in chaos. This last year has been really eye opening. I never realized that I need something in my life that is stable. Not everything, just some aspect of my life.
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